#I'm currently experimenting with a new style of text with my gifs

[itz-darktrax]

Chased By Yokai - Big Hero 6

[animatedjen]

What's some stuff you're really hoping to see in Jedi 3 (either narratively or gameplay wise)?

Oh I'm so glad you asked this 🙌 Because I have THOUGHTS.

Gonna put everything under the cut so this doesn't clog up the feed with a wall of text (whoops.) Some of these ideas I hope to create concept art for, after I replace/fix my very cranky thirteen-year-old tablet. Anyway let’s start with gameplay!

Gameplay!

Maintaining Cal's abilities: Survivor handled this beautifully by keeping many of the skills learned in Fallen Order, instead of undoing Cal's growth from the first game. I think it'll be trickier to keep this momentum into Jedi 3 (the skill tree has gotten so large!) but story reasons could push Cal towards new types of abilities instead of bloating the current options.

More synergy between the lightsaber stances: I like all the stances in Survivor and it'd be A) disappointing to lose any of them, but B) overwhelming to add MORE combat styles. Being able to flow between the stances more fluidly would be fun though, with specific combos unlocked depending on which two are active together. Now if Merrin lets Cal borrow her knife-staff and he puts his lightsaber on the end... MAGICK SABER PIKE GO.

New or adapted movement mechanics: Maybe the ascension cable is replaced with a force ability (Force Ascend or Force Leap for an extra vertical boost?) or is "upgraded" to connect between two anchors, letting Cal create his own temporary ziplines.

Replayable missions: This could be explained in-game with a Force Tear or Cal's own interactive echoes. But I'd love the option to experience story missions and boss fights again post-game.

Customization!

This is a bonus section because Merrin should get new outfits. Haven't decided how to make it part of gameplay yet, stay tuned.

Cal's cosmetics in Survivor are mostly cool, some just funny, but overall a huge improvement from Fallen Order (yes, even though we miss all the poncho designs). For Jedi 3 I'd love to see more story-centric cosmetics that tie into the communities and people Cal has met along his journey. A Legacy outfit (incorporating pieces from his three Jedi masters), an Anchorite-inspired outfit (with arm tattoos), a bounty hunter outfit (the prize after defeating the Brood), etc. Maybe a Bogling outfit? No not made from Boglings; it looks like a Bogling. Hang on lemme fix my tablet—

Narrative + Gameplay!

Explore Tanalorr: Right now this sparkly, strong-in-the-Force, temple-carved planet is a huge mystery box for Jedi 3. There's a few directions it could go - more High Republic history, another civilization (the Nihil? someone new?) lurking in the shadows, or Force-related secrets hiding below the surface. Each Jedi game has followed Cal's exploration of an ancient culture, and I think Tanalorr can be a focal point in that journey.

Defeat Sorc Tormo and the Haxion Brood: I mentioned this in an ask earlier this week, but I so want a resolution to this fight against the Brood. Especially since roaming bounty hunters would threaten the Hidden Path. Maybe Cal breaks back into Ordo Eris, or hunts down Sorc Tormo on another planet. Maybe there's a Force-only stealth section?? Maybe a big multi-wave boss fight? Maybe Caij is there??? (no she doesn't get an invite to Tanalorr)

Dark Side Force Slow: The fact that Cal's Force Slow ability kept its red-stained aura, even in the Survivor post-game, is great. I love lasting consequences and ludonarrative harmony, yes yes yes. Really hope this isn't fully resolved by the start of Jedi 3 (potential timeskip makes it tricky but whatever) and the ability receives some sort of healing through Cal finding his way out of the darkness.

Narrative!

Timeskip?: I vote no, but I think Jedi 3 will vote yes, likely to age up Kata and allow Tanalorr to be more developed. But that also means Cal and the Mantis Crew goes through character development without us (boo) or remains emotionally stunted until we get there (also boo?). I'm more comfortable with the five year gap between FO and Survivor than I used to be though, despite "missing out" on big character moments, so maybe it'll be okay. Maybe. 👀

The Hidden Path builds a home on Tanalorr: This works until it doesn't, whether from outside pressure or the threat of a spy within. I don't think Bode's fears should necessarily be validated, but I do think the risk will keep Cal on edge and hurt his ability to trust (both others and himself.) It'll drive decisions that strain his relationships and be a source of conflict for part of the game.

The Mantis gets semi-retired and then reinstated: I just love the mental picture of the Mantis parked somewhere cozy and decorated with cloth and lights and a hideout for Kata. It's become too small and high profile to use for gathering the Path, but when the plot gets going, they're gonna need her back in action.

Three main antagonists: The Empire, an unrelated third-party with their own goals (Nihil or someone else), and Cal's own demons. The first two drive the external conflict, the third drives Cal's inner conflict and the story's themes. More on that at the end.

A memorial garden: It's designed by Pili and filled with native Tanalorrian plants and trees, from which the Anchorites hang cords and windchimes and bits of colored glass. Cere's saber was buried beneath the largest tree. Cal plays her hallikset here when he's too troubled to meditate. If we want to be mean, this place gets damaged during a battle in Act 3. If we want to be less mean, this is the place that doesn't get damaged during a battle.

Kata has some sort of student-teacher relationship with Cal: I'm torn on her being Force sensitive: this is a story about Jedi and "guide her through the darkness" is pretty telling given Cal's own darkness at the end of Survivor. But Cal helping Kata (and Kata helping Cal) can happen regardless of her Force sensitivity - it would just look different. This is a soft answer because I'm still exploring ideas around it BUT admittedly the angst levels would be higher if she is sensitive.

A battle against the shadow self: Look this one is cliche. I don't care. I want a huge cavern in the depths of Tanalorr where Cal gets to fight a dark version of himself that switches between all his former enemies. If we're making a video game here let's physically beat up our darkness. Let's have it not work. Let's bring Cal to rock bottom to remind him that he is more than his darkness and he doesn't have to do this alone. Let's go back to that same fight later and then we finally win.

There's more to explore story-wise and I will eventually, but I'm overall not concerned about Jedi 3's narrative. Respawn has been very intentional with their writing of Cal Kestis and the Jedi series so far (despite some last minute changes to Survivor) and I love this character and this story because of all the great work they've created. I really hope they finish this journey the way they want to. That being said—

How should Jedi 3 end? Should Cal die?

No: I'll argue Cal dying at the end of the trilogy completely undermines the entire lesson of Survivor.

Cal wouldn't stop fighting the Empire: The Cal we meet at the beginning of Survivor definitely wouldn't. That Cal also watched countless friends die to that same fight and saw two different Jedi fall to their passions-turned-obsessions that led them to the dark side. He may wrestle with remnant obligation or a bitter apathy, but he's definitely not as single-minded as he was before.

Cal would sacrifice himself to save the Path: Yeah, he probably would. Cere did exactly that during the Siege of Jedha when all else failed. But maybe the Path could be protected without Cal needing to be a Weapon - a lesson Cere also wanted him to learn.

Another way: I think the Koboh abyss (that separates Tanalorr from the rest of the galaxy) could be destroyed. I don't know if Cal would choose to destroy it, but I think the Empire would: if they can't reach Tanalorr it's the next best thing.

Now Cal has to make a choice: Leave (continuing the fight alone) or Stay (shepherding the Path for an unknown future.) It doesn't mean they never find a way back to the known galaxy, but it'll take time. Enough time for a New Hope to appear.

Whatever your opinion of the Sequel Trilogy, the line: "That’s how we’re gonna win. Not fighting what we hate. Saving what we love." is not only a complete thesis of Star Wars, but fits really well with Cal's journey. He's become very good at fighting. He wants to save everyone in Fallen Order, and he can't. He still wants to save everyone in Survivor, and they refuse him. His Fight has made a difference (again, Cere says as much) but it's clear this can't be Cal's final answer.

Choosing to protect the Path, choosing to trust the Force, choosing a home. That's what he's been fighting for. I love Cal Kestis because he isn't the chosen one and he isn't going to save the galaxy. But for his family and his community, he saved their galaxy. It's cheesy but I don't care, and you know Greez and BD would agree with me.

-

Okay this got so, so much longer than I expected. Bonus points if you made it all the way down here haha. I've had a weird assortment of concepts and ideas over the past year but never wrote them down in one place - until now. I've said it before but part of my hyperfixation with the Jedi series is because it isn't finished yet and Survivor ends on such a gut-wrenching cliffhanger. Whatever happens to this series, I'm slowly finding some sort of catharsis through all the edits and photomode shots and half-baked concepts. Thanks for tagging along ✌️

[emeritus-fuckers]

Mayhaps... would it be possible for me to get a Papa match-up?

I am a 5'4 agender dude, I kinda dress like a bunch of alternative subcultures we're chewed up then spit out. I have light brown hair that's kinda a bowl cut if I don't style it at all. I've got a bit of a dad bod and I'm currently studying mortuary science in hopes to open my own mortuary one day (who knows). I've been interested in death and the macabre since I was a toddler and thats kind of become my main personality trait.

I play electric bass and the drums in my spare time. I also cook, crochet, collect rare items (comics, action figures, etc.) I love basically any music from the 1920s to 2000s (with the exclusion of R&B, hip hop, and country. Nothing against them just not for me).

[I'm really not sure what to put I've never done this before😭]

Your match is…Secondo

Secondo is also fascinated by the macabre and death. Every now and then he'll find fun days out for you to do that revolve around these subjects.

He's more than happy to help you study. However, sometimes he gets carried away. He'll bring large, leather bound books back from the library and drop them on the table in front of you.

"Extra reading for you." He'll say seriously. "No one else will have access to these texts. They will teach you the ancient ways. Things that have been handed down from Papa to Papa, Cardinal to Cardinal and so on…” Some of these books include bringing people back from the dead, how to use magic to embalm and contacting those on the other side. 

He gets you work experience at the clergies mortuary, that is an interesting assignment to say the least.

You learn the Ghouls who work there have quite a unique approach.

He'll happily help you set up your own mortuary. He'll give you whatever funds and advice you need.

He loves your varied taste in music, he'll let you pick out whatever you want from his record collection. As he settles on the sofa with a glass of wine. 

He is even more happy when you join him, he’ll put his arm around you, and the smile on his face, no one else ever gets to see that.

You tried teaching him to crochet, it didn't go so well. "I am not so old that I cannot learn a new skill." Secondo had said as he held his hand out for the crochet hooks and yarn.

You both had fun as you tried to teach him, even when Secondo chucked the stuff across the room and huffed. You started laughing first, telling him it was fine he doesn't have to learn. You apprecaite him at least trying it. Secondo is now more than content to read his book while you crochet.

If you feel like playing bass or drums he'll often get some Ghouls round to fill in the other instruments and he'll sing. It doesn't matter whether you all get it right or not. He's happy enjoying the beats you come up with as he loses himself to the music.

~

This post is a part of Match-up Event. The Event ended on July 15th.

Written by Nyx

[iloveabunchofgames]

February 2023 Game Awards

#JakeReviewsItch Game of the Month Archives

Like a lion, March is here, and that means it's time to celebrate Itch.io games I reviewed in February using award categories stolen from another publication. As is tradition. This month, our template comes from the latest issue of Game Informer (Vol. XXXIII / No. 2 / Issue 353; Resident Evil 4 remake on the cover), mostly because I idly flipped open a copy last week and landed on the "Best Dork" category.

February's Games:

A Kishoutenketsu in the countryside A Light Long Gone A Lullaby of Colors A Magical Tale: Cavern Crawler a new life. A NIGHTMARE'S TRIP A Normal Lost Phone A Planet of Mine A Short Hike A Sketchbook About Her Sun A Snake's Tale A Wish Upon a Star Abomination Tower About Love, Hate & the other ones Above: The Fallen Absolute Blue ACIDTRIP adjacency Adventure for a Bit Adventures of a Radish The Adventures of Elena Temple: Definitive Edition Aerannis Affinity After The End: The Harvest After the first station AIdol Air Dasher Airships: Conquer the Skies

Best Moment: Discovering what a new life. is about

Experience the moment for yourself. This game is going to sweep these awards.

Best Racing: A Short Hike

Air Dasher would easily win if it had better controls. A couple of this month's games have speedrunning features, but I could barely get through them at my own pace. So congratulations to A Short Hike, which has some races that you're actually meant to win.

Best Developer: Dear Villagers

Partly because A Normal Lost Phone is an exceptional game with exceptional production value, and partly because I'm familiar with some of their other work. They dabble in a wide variety of styles, and even though their output isn't always successful, it's usually worth a look.

Best Horror: After the first station

I think After the first station was Li Sheng's attempt to make something outside of the horror genre, which makes it even funnier that it's filled with horror game assets. Frequent visual bugs and text-to-speech make this a spine-tingling horror comedy.

Best Sports: A Short Hike

There's a minigame where you whack a beach ball over a net with a stick, and no matter what happens, everyone wins. That's the closest thing to a sport I can remember from this month. Congratulations to A Short Hike for its second win by default.

Best Boss: The rainbow Star Fox thing from Aerannis

Aerannis is currently the second-highest game on my overall rankings. I highly recommend playing it for yourself, but if that's not going to happen, you should at least see what someone on YouTube has dubbed the "Trippy Space Boss!"

Best Cooperative: Airships: Conquer the Skies

I'm assuming. I've only played single-player. Send me a message if you want to join my fleet online.

Best Score: A Sketchbook About Her Sun

No, I will not shut up about how incredible Red Ribbon is. I'm listening to Planet X right now. I love Red Ribbon so much that I'm deliberately and defiantly ignoring that Game Informer's only audio award is for Best Original Score.

Best Dork: Love (About Love, Hate & the other ones)

"I love you. I laaahve you. I love you."

Best Platforming: Aerannis

No contest.

Best Shooter: Aerannis

Remember when I predicted a new life. would sweep the awards? I didn't count on there being so many action-oriented categories, and Aerannis is full of outstanding action.

Best Competitive: Airships: Conquer the Skies

I'm assuming. I've only played single-player. Send me a message if you want to face my fleet online.

Best Simulation: Airships: Conquer the Skies

Remember when I predicted Aerannis would sweep the awards?

Best Hero: Previous owner of A Normal Lost Phone

It's not often games offer such an intimate, empathetic character study. Going through someone's phone isn't cool, but this particular someone—this normal nobody—is the best.

Best Villain: Hate (About Love, Hate & the other ones)

"I hate you. I hate you. I hate you"

Best Fighting: Airships: Conquer the Skies

Butting flying fortress against each other in strategic combat would have been enough, but when you've designed the airships yourself, devoting time and money to each one, even the most one-sided battle turns into a nail-biter.

Game of the Month: a new life.

Nearly a month later, I still think about this game daily. Play it. Don't watch videos. Don't read anything. Just plaaaaaaay it. (But do check my review for a content warning if you know you have any sensitivities. Otherwise, go in cold.)

February had plenty of trash, but wow. Wow! The top games—a new life., Aerannis, A Normal Lost Phone, and Airships: Conquer the Skies—those are games! I'd never heard of three of those four before this month. How long will it be before I find my first 5/5? Or a new low? Bring it, March.

[destiny-smasher]

DownRight Fierce Dev Update (9/2021)

Not sure if this is something folks here would want to see, but I'll share this update I shared with patrons for the original visual novel I've been working on, DownRight Fierce. It was conceived back in, like, 2014, but since just before the pandemic hit, I've been working on it as a visual novel. It's sort of like...if Street Fighter and Butterfly Soup had a kid? That was born before Butterfly Soup came out? And has been slacking off for a few years? There is a fully playable, mostly presentable demo of the prologue and first three chapters, feel free to contact me if you're interested in trying it out and providing feedback.

Thanks to the support I've received on Patreon lately, I've been able to commission more outfits for the main characters, new expressions, and was able to pay Hayley to re-organize the sprites so I have some more control over mixing and matching different things. We've also implemented a new pose for Nishiko's sprite when they're sending text messages (on their antiquated cell phone).

(all of the character art so far I have commissioned from my friend Hayley Sakura-Rose12)

I ended up deciding to have that sprite made when I implemented a whole text convo with Seiko near the end of Chapter 3. (or partway through the chapter, depending on what the reader chooses - OR they can even skip this conversation altogether, potentially)

The biggest updates to DRF lately have mostly been cosmetic: adding in more facial expressions and effects.

One example of this has been incorpating a more seamless and atmospheric effect for moments when Nishiko gets lost in thought.

There will be a recurring and increasingly important component tied to this, so I'm glad Jenny helped inspire me to pursue this kind of idea. You can also see here a version of Nishiko's sprite which has been visually updated with more texture, alternate color, etc., and that's something she intends to do with the other characters when time allows (she's been very busy for like, over a year now).

Fire and smoke are key visual symbols for Nishiko's character, so Jenny has been helping me figure out ways to express this more through the UI, etc.

(my wife Jenny has worked on the UI, giving it a more gritty look, and she's modified Nishiko's sprite in this image to give extra atmosphere to the character sprites; she also took a placeholder image and did work on it to showcase a potential art style for the backgrounds; we're considering something like this, though maybe including more color, perhaps intentionally depending on the setting)

But it's not just been visual stuff. I've also been adding in extra content, and incorporating more choices and elements that affect and are affected by the stats running in the background.

I've added in new short classroom scenes to help better illustrate Nishiko's experience inbetween social activities, while simultaneously using them to imply elements regarding Nishiko's attention span, as well as flesh out the lore of the world.

I've been a bit inspired by Tuca and Bertie in some weird ways, as well, trying to build lore within my own fighting game inspired world with references that double as, well, world building (like alluding to Street Fighter antagonist M. Bison via a political dictator who existed in this universe's history), including entire chunks of conversation that go in different branches based on weird Capcom humor that also serves to establish backstory.

Nishiko and Kayla bond over love of a dumb cheesy horror flick that's essentially one big meme featuring the 90's Street Fighter cartoon.  The drinks in the vending machines are all Capcom references, but serve as a means of letting the reader more manually increase a stat of their choosing - and since they're vending machines, they recur, so as the reader might get to know what each drink is, they might make a deliberate choice to increase a specific stat on purpose, in a similar way to choosing to exercise, or meditate, or study.

A convo about Nishiko's prior schoolyear incorporates Dark Stalkers references while also, again, letting the reader affect stats in a narratively retroactive way.

I've fleshed out conversations in Chapter 3 to have lots of dialogue most readers won't see in a single playthrough, as well as making more efforts to lean readers toward experiencing certain scenes or moments they might have missed earlier, while allowing the possibility of skipping or missing out on scenes entirely should they choose.

For example, the end of Chapter 3 is focused on Nishiko's relationship with Seiko. There is a text chat convo that can happen in one of two different parts of the chapter, and an in-person convo I'm currently working on (the last planned new content for the demo). Both can be experienced, or one or the other, or the can both be skipped. I don't want to make the entire social life something optional, but I do want to have there be parts like this where the reader can choose to skip interacting with a character if they truly don't want to, to help reinforce the idea that every interaction is, in a sense, a deliberate choice.

Even something like picking 'the BAD' choices is something I want to not just feel like, say, Undertale's infamous 'genocide run' but rather something that is an expression of anger at the world around the main character, which even has some specific benefits - because people don't just become jerks because they like to feel bad, but because it serves them in some beneficial way. As a slight example, if the reader pushes Nishiko to become aggressive, their 'Psycho' stat will increase, which can lead to them having even more aggressive choices later, which further increase that stat. But as that stat increase, Nishiko will become more physically perceptive to certain details about the world around them, but in material ways rather than social ways. For example, they might sense certain inklings of things that allude to later plot points earlier than someone who is more cooperative and might learn more social backstory elements. It's likely not going to be some huge, monumental difference, but it hopefully will make a second playthrough feel noticeably different and give the reader more insight into certain things.

The planned demo will feature the prologue and the first three chapters. By the end, all four main characters will be introduced, and the reader should get a pretty good idea through bits of writing and visual presentation that the choices they make won't change the primary narrative, but will affect certain details and aspects of how things play out. This is actually related to a big plot element itself that will become important later. But for now, it's been really fun adapting content I wrote over five years ago into this format, fleshing it out, and trying to work out ways to not only make that content function better in an interactive format, but also just how to lay more foundation and foreshadowing for what's to come.

While the visuals are still far from finalized even for this demo, I do have a private build uploaded for anyone genuinely interested, as I still haven't received much in the way of feedback so far. I'm planning on releasing a public demo to itchio later on when we can get the visuals to look more finalized.

[bbnibini]

Author’s Note & Newbie’s Guide to PSISLY: An Obey Me! CYOA

I'm bad with announcing stuff but here it goes(!): this blog is currently under construction! I am currently making the necessary preparations to get Hamartia ready for crossposting.

Of course, I'm not the best person when it comes to technology so if you ever notice there's some errors or hiccups, please feel free to tell me on DMs or asks! (Asks are currently closed for now though! It will open again soon. :) )

For new readers of Hamartia, here's what you should keep in mind once it's posted!

1. The main story is called P.S. I Still Love You. It's styled as a hyperlink-dependent mystery CYOA where you can get unique endings or routes upon choosing specific dialogue options. You might need to take notes since this story has mystery aspects to it. I left some hints here and there so you'd uncover what actually happened before the events on the fic transpired. Although you can also read the entirety of what happened once you unlock all routes! :) 

Saying that, this story will feel more immersive if you experience it yourself so please don't ruin that experience for someone else. DO NOT POST SPOILERS FOR OTHER CHAPTERS IN THE COMMENTS SECTION. You can still discuss and even theorise in the comments, but please make sure your comments are about the chapter thread you're commenting on. For spoiler heavy comments that contain spoilers for more than one chapter, please make use of the spoiler thread.

2. As it is a hyperlink-dependent fic, interacting with every hyperlink IS ENCOURAGED. Reading PSISLY with a registered tumblr account is also encouraged for better immersion and access to restricted content.

3. Spoiler comments are DISCOURAGED. A dedicated thread for spoiler comments and theories will be posted in a masterlist for people who want discourse. You may also direct spoiler-related asks in my ask box if you are a registered user and I will answer you in private.

4. As this is a crosspost, please expect earlier updates on the original AO3 version.

5. PSISLY has supplementary content accessible through private posts:

*MEMORIA (Hamartia 3 - - An archive of memories for a person who wants to never forget. Most entries focus on the perspective of other characters besides the reader. )

*chat log (A certain author's DDD chat log. Contains text conversations of Christopher Peugeot and the people he associates with. May also have an "Eye See You" feature from time-to-time)

*????? (Spoilers)

*Hamartia 0: ▇▇▇'s Postscripts (Endgame content. Spoilers.)

Each of these supplementary content will be given hyperlinks for specific chapters/route progression.

6. Please note that the stats/parameters/affection meter of each capture target won’t stack. Meaning, even if you choose an option multiple times, it will only give a set affection point.

7. Good Ending ---> 90 affection points or higher (100 is the MAX)

    Normal Ending ---->89 affection points and below

    Special Ending -----> ???

**Satan's route is a special case where his Good Ending (95 hearts) requires less affection points than his Normal Ending(100/MAX hearts).

8. Unclickable hyperlinks/hyperlinks with the word (WIP/Soon) next to them means that the content cannot be accessed at the moment. Please be patient!

9. To have a deeper understanding of the story, please try to read EVERYTHING including the bad endings.  

10. Ever wondered what would happen if you read this story in an unconventional way? You might just have a fateful encounter. :)

If you have any more questions, please DM me or send me an ask/anon! Hopefully with that, you will enjoy this silly little project of mine. :)

[lunasxsol]

Love Like This

Bill Skarsgård x Reader

Word Count: 2194

Warnings: Abortion

(A/N: If you do not believe a woman should have a choice on her body then you can fuck off thank you vm. On another note I hope you enjoy this angsty fic. I just had this idea lingering in my mind so it’s here now..)

As I sat in the waiting room dreading my name being called, I looked at the other women that look terrified to go into one of the rooms. Some of them came alone as myself and others came with their significant others or friends. A nurse had brought over a clipboard with some paper I had to sign. I was so nervous I couldn't keep my hands from shaking, I felt like I was going to pass out. Someone took my hand in theirs, I look up to see my best friend Maia. She took me in her arms as I silently cried.

"It's okay, I'm here."

"I thought I was gonna have to go through this alone."

She shook her head taking the clipboard from me, "I would never let you do this alone. Now you sit and calm down and I'll fill this for you okay?" I nodded taking a drink from my water.

Once she finished filling out the forms she handed them back to the nurse and we waited to be called over.

"Y/n L/n"

I got up quickly as did Maia, "You'll be alright, I'll wait here." She gave me a hug and a quick kiss on the head."

"Alright hun lets get you prepped." The nurse said as she took me to one of the operating rooms.

After 15 mins the procedure was finally done, they took me to the recovery room where Maia sat on the couch waiting for me. The nurse, Stella, handed me a cup of water and some pain meds before she went back to her office.

"You okay?" I nodded laying on the bed, Maia took my hand in hers. "He called." I stayed quiet not carrying what he had to say. "He called me too, I didn't pick up."

"Maia, I don't care anymore. I needed him here more than anything and he left me." My eyes started watering once again. "We'd been together for two years and he couldn't respect my one difficult decision. He can go to hell for all I care."

We stayed quiet for a while until the doctor came back and discharged me. Maia took drove us home, I thanked her for being there for me, "I'm going to sleep early today, goodnight Maia." She nodded.

I went into my room shutting the door quickly, taking a seat on my bed and letting myself cry. Maybe if we had gone through this conversation differently then maybe he would've respected my decision.

[Flashback]

I looked at the pregnancy test that read PREGNANT in its bold letters. What the hell was I gonna do? I'm only 19, I'm still enrolled in the uni. I have so much ahead of me. I can't put it aside, I've worked too hard for it.

"Hey babe!" Bill spoke as he walked into my room. "So my parents are having a celebratory dinner for Alexander- hey what's wrong?" He turned me around and I handed him the test. "Hey its alright, we'll figure this out."

I shook my head, "I'm not ready."

He pulled me into a hug sighing, "Neither am I but we can do this. You have me.. till the end."

"No you don't understand.. I'm not ready, I can't have a baby right now, Bill."

"So what you're going to give it up?" I nodded. "You're kidding right?"

"Bill, we aren't ready. Do you not get it?" I threw the pregancy test in the trash brushing past him and taking a seat on my bed. "Your body isn't going to go through the entire change. I am not you. You get to walk around and continue to do your shit while I go to class carrying the child and getting called a whore for opening my legs at a young age. So yes I am going to give it up because I'm too fucking young to have a child."

"Fuck them, you shouldn't give a fuck of what other people say about you. God knows I don't so neither should you."

I chuckled, "My parents sacrificed so much so they can send me here to study at the uni of my choice, I'm not messing it up because of our fuck up."

"So what our child is a fuck up now?" He was red with anger.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean it that way but if you loved me you would respect my decision."

"I love you (Y/n but I'm sorry, I don't agree with it. So whatever you're thinking of doing to our 'fuck up' you can do it alone." He left slamming the door loudly leaving me completely alone.

[End of flashback]

I sat up turning the tv on to have some sort of background noise. There was a knock at my door I groaned not wanting to see Maia or anyone at the moment. "Maia I'm okay, I just want to sleep."

The door was opened and a tall figure had walked in.

"Hey."

"Get out."

"I'm sorry."

"Get the fuck out." He didn't listen and instead kept coming closer. "Bill seriously get the fuck out."

"I need to talk to you."

I chuckled, "Well if it's to try and change my mind you can kindly fuck off cause the procedures done and so are we."

"I know it's done and I should've been there." I finally looked up at him his eyes sunken and red. "I'm sorry, I should have respected your decision because it's your body. I was just happy that we were gonna have a baby. I thought you wanted one."

"I did, I do, just not now. Not till I was settled." He nodded both our eyes brimming with tears. "Bill I need a break, a really long break. You fucked up and I-I don't know anymore. Look I'm 19 you're 26, I don't want kids till I'm like 30 or maybe never I don't know. And well with the way you reacted it's evident you want kids now. I knew this relationship wasn't gonna last."

"Hey, hey, I do want kids but I can wait. Just don't-don't leave, please." He took my hand in his but I quickly moved it away.

I sighed now full on crying, "I'm sorry Bill but this isn't gonna work out. You can find someone your age that you can settle down with now. I still have years before I'll even remotely be sure if I want kids. By then you'll be in your mid 30s, which is besides the point but what if I don't want kids what will you do then?" He shrugged his shoulders crying silently. "I love you Bill but we can't be together anymore."

He got up pressing a lingering kiss on my forehead, "I'm sorry."

***

3 years later

Today was finally moving day. I had finished my studies in New York and I was moving back down to LA. My parents were a bit against it since we had lived there years ago but they hated it there but I loved it. I was moving down by the beach areas. Maia was staying here with her fiancé.

"Well Ms. those are the last of your boxes." I handed the movers a decent tip and they went on their way.

I turned to Maia as she was already getting emotional, "Hey no crying, it's bad for the baby."

She chuckled pulling me in for a tight hug, "Hey me and Rosalie are gonna miss you."

I pulled away immediately in shock, "it's a girl?" She nodded causing me to shriek in excitement. Tyler came into the room and I jumped on him. "Congrats!"

"We were actually wondering if you would like to organize the baby shower for us." Tyler spoke.

"Yes of course!"

"We wanted to do it in 4 months. Closer to her due date."

"Once I get everything situated in LA I'll get things prepped and fly back here to organize everything!"

There was a honk outside of our house.

"Well guys I will see you in 4 months!" I hugged them both goodbye and grabbed my suitcase getting into the taxi.

***

2 weeks later

I was finally getting the finishing touches to my new house down. I still had a bit of work left but everything was mostly good to go. Now I currently sat in my living room going through a couple of designs for tomorrow's meeting. With the help of one of my close celebrity friends he got me a job with Leah Valderia a famous singer from London. She wanted help with her house and of course I said yes. This could be a great opportunity for my interior design career.

It was getting late and I decided to call it a night. I would show her the designs I had and maybe go shopping with her for some of the things.

The next morning I made sure to wake up early. I took a quick shower to calm my nerves. For my outfit I decided on a corduroy skirt that was a creamy chocolate color and a black turtle neck that fit perfectly. I also went with a dark grey oversized blazer that was just an inch longer than my skirt, for shoes I went with some heeled ankle boots. I did some light makeup and left my hair in its regular straight style. I added just some thin gold necklaces just to bring the whole outfit together. I looked at the time and grabbed my purse and work folders quickly heading out of my house. Before leaving the lot I sent a quick text to Leah letting her know I was on my way.

The traffic to her mansion was horrible to say the least. Luckily I made it on time, I parked my car on the curb and jogged to her door. "Great you're here, please come in!"

Looking around I could definitely see some potential for this beautiful home, "So Y/n I'm so excited you're here. I'm hoping you can bring my vision to life!" We took a seat in her office and she opened her laptop sliding it towards me. She had quite the vision. "I will sure try."

We were in her office for two hours, let's just say she is completely indecisive about what she wants to do with this place. So beautiful and so much potential only her vision was nothing like mine. "So we can definitely do what you want to do and we can also add some color maybe open up these curtains here as well just to get some light and more open space."

"Great! Let me show you the nursery so you can kind of get an idea of what we can with it. This baby will be here in 3 months need to have it done before anything else."

"What are you having?"

"A girl! I'm so excited, I hope one day you get to experience how beautiful it is to carry a life."

I smiled not really knowing what to say I just nodded, "Hey honey, I'm home, brought the- Y/n?"

"Bill?"

"You guys know each other?"

"We-"

"I-"

"We dated years ago."

"Oh?" Leah looked down. "Is she?" Bill only nodded.

"I'm sorry, I'm gonna go. I can send you an email of other designers if-"

Leah shook her head, "No I love your work, that's why I called in for you. This thing you and Bill had is in the past so I would still like to work with you if that's alright."

I nodded, "Well I'll email you some of the ideas I have then we can get started immediately. I'll be back in a week?"

"Perfect."

"Well I'll see you Leah, beautiful house you have here."

Bill set his things down, "I'll walk her out." Leah only nodded.

My car was only a block away but as we walked it felt like it was miles away. "Congratulations." I broke the silence.

"Thank you." He smiled.

"I told you, you would find someone to make you happy. Look at you, you're gonna have a baby."

"Yeah, I'm really happy, but I'm still really sorry about what happened between you and I. I'm sorry we didn't work out and I'm sorry I wasn't there when you needed me the most. I should have been there for you."

I sighed trying not to cry, "It was a bit traumatizing, having the procedure done is weird and horrible but it had to be done. I don't think I would've been happy if we went through with the pregnancy. I never want to be resentful towards a kid that wasn't at fault you know." He nodded. "I went to therapy after we broke up, got back on my feet and now I'm okay with it. I'm happy for you and happy that you're with someone that can give you the life you deserve."

He pulled me in for a hug giving me a kiss on the forehead, "I love you Bill Skarsgård."

"I love you too Y/n L/n and I wish you nothing but the best."